2012 was ...
2012 was, compared to 2011, kind of ... really crappy.
2011 was the year, where I met so fucking awesome people, I met by best friends, I started drawing, I had my first boyfriend. I was full of hope for the humans - I thought that humans could change and make the world a better place.
But now, 2012 is on its end, it's exactly the contrary. I lost some friends, I don't care about some people anymore, I lost my best friend, because I was too stupid to do it better. I just felt so safe in his presence, I thought he would never leave me ... but he did. And that's only my fault. I didn't work hard enough for our friendship and one day he didn't wanted me anymore. Fuck me.
I lost my faith in people. I just want us to die, because we ruin this wonderful planet. I started to hate people this year. I started to hate myself for all the mistakes I made. Well, I cover all this under a happy coat, so nobody sees how I actually feel. Well, most of the time I am happy, but there are these days too, where I just want to die, because I can't stand this hate anymore.
I really wish that I could do anything against it. I wish I could get my best friend back, so that a little part of that hate can disappear. But I can't do anything. It's over. I had my try, but failed. Oh no, I had many tries, but I failed every single one.
Now I realise what I once had. I know now that I lived a perfect life. But I was too stupid to realise that earlier. I just thought about myself, how miserable I am, when I've actually been happy.
The only thing I've learned in 2012, was that I have to go on. Sitting here doesn't change anything. Well, now I know what I have to do in 2013. I'll try again, even harder. I'll meet new people, I'm sure about that. And one day I can, hopefulle, look back and say that everything wasn't that bad.
Well, I wish you all Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I love you. ♥